Newsflash: San Francisco Missing 100,000 People–Mayor Newsom Ready To Sue

In one of the more bizarre miscounts in recent memory, beyond the Bush Conspiracy in Florida, the US Census Bureau and a yet unnamed nonprofit organization are fighting over their “perception” of San Francisco’s population.

The Census Bureaus’ population estimate stands at 764,000 while the nonprofit, using economic factors according to Yahoo News, contends San Francisco has 864,000 residents.

US Census Bureau Reasons For 100,000 Missing “San Franciscans” vs Unnamed Nonprofit Organization’s Reasons Why 100,000 New Residents

1. CB: 49er, Raider, Giants fans due to prolonged suffering and embarrassment left the city under cover of darkness
NP: The San Francisco LGBT love of J.T. Snow former Giant’s 1b is undying

2. CB: “San Franciscans” discovered Sacramento
NP: San Franciscans discovered Sacramento

3. CB: The dot.com bubble burst?
NP: Isn’t Daat Calm the dispatched buddhist monk living in Noe?

4. CB: Every college kid from Austin, Chicago, and Boston beat it home under the cover of darkness
NP: Every college kid from Portland, Minneapolis, and the Villiage beat it to SF under the cover of darkness

5. CB: Transplanted City of Angel-ites beat it back to LA after the first 50 degree day this winter
NP: Transplanted Orange County-ites beat it back to LA after their first trip to Baker beach

6. CB: Free WiFi Plan was struck down by the pseudo working class wanna be radical San Francisco Supervisors
NP: Free WiFi (whatever that is) was struck down by the pseudo working class wanna be radical San Francisco Supervisors

7. CB: Coit Tower is converted into an IRS recruitment office
NP: Coit Tower is converted into haute cuisine organic vegetarian neighborhood kitchen

8. CB: Patchouli Cologne is redefined under the controlled substance act and made a felony drug offense by the DEA
NP: Patchouli sit-ins are sponsored by sister city Berkeley, CA in an effort to free the smell

9. CB: Cable Car drive-by shootings have crippled the tourist to resident’s industry
NP: Cable Cars go Green with passengers required to pull their own weight

10. CB: Cesar Chavez Day pisses off conservatives
NP: The 1st Annual Cesar Romero Day celebration sends the Castro into a frenzy

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