With the sad facts coming out about the $151,000,000 1031 Advance San Jose “Rip off”, the Student Loan Scandal sweeping the nation, and the Gas Price Bush administration conspiracy, it is time for some fun. . .
Dateline Friday May 18, 2007: San Francisco Examiner, once a proud and respected paper, now rating somewhere between bird cage liner and kitty box clean up, had this nugget: “Health Tip:Balance and Moderation Are Key.” Wow! Had I only known I might have stopped after that third bottle of Kistler last night. Ok Ok it was Edna Valley but it’s all the same after bottle #1.
The true brilliance of this headline is the following story. “Moderate drinking may lower risk of kidney cancer.” Ah ha! That’s it. Keep drinking stave off cancer-stay drunk. To top it off, the photo accompanying this earth shattering freight train to the brain was a shot of three champagne glasses! Hmmm moderate? It seems there is a reoccurring theme of “3.”
Dateline February, 2007 Sonoma Town Square: Me and my beautiful girlfriend Susan, my unwitting accomplice, stumbled upon a one and only: Segways for rent shop. Segways look like a cross between a chopped “Big Wheel” and a railway platform. It’s as if the brainiac who invented the Unicycle decided to grace the world with another “hospital trip waiting to happen” toy for us smart adults. . .
It was as if some strange strand of dna exclusive to guys, the one that makes us play bongo’s in the nude (Sorry Matthew McConaughey but that’s just weird), jump out of perfectly good airplanes, or go to football games shirtless in a December snow storm, took over my better judgment. In the middle of this tiny shop with nobody looking, I jumped up on a Segway. When I landed on the platform, I somehow tripped the ignition and my lil “Big Wheel” jolted forward nearly throwing me over the laptop computer screen steering wheel head first! Somehow Susan did not see me and more importantly neither did anyone else. It’s akin to walking down the street tripping on that crack in the sidewalk and playing it off. You know you nearly went down but you think in your mind you made the “cool recovery.” Not likely!
Dateline May 19, 2007: Gasoline is the new Gold! In April 29th’s post:”Gas Prices in San Francisco Bay Area: What the %&*$ is Going on Here?” I showed a picture of a Chevron station with the top price of $3.99.9 per gallon. I thought I had seen it all until. . .
Today something very scary caught my eye at the corner of 6th and Harrison in the heart of the SOMA section of San Francisco. No not the “Endup” where nobody I know ever ends up. No it was a big Shell station. The price of Supreme Unleaded? $4.53 and 9/10’s per gallon. . . that is four dollars and fifty three cents per gallon. What the &*$% is going on here? Do Iowa farmers or Washington DC politicians pay $4.53 per gallon?
If you have a scary gas priced station or one that is unbelievably low priced please let us know. . . until further notice Gasoline is Gold!