Have you ever been in a business deal where you just knew you were getting “spanked”, “hammered”, “hoodwinked”, “Scammed”, “Shammed” or ramma lamma ding donged to death??????????????????? Have you ever felt like you were playing cards at a table full of your Mom’s friends, sweet lil grannies each and everyone, only to find out they were the reason the cops lived in your neighborhood? Finally have you ever been to one of those “Free” seminars on timeshare living only to have to brandish a Beretta 92f just to get out of the room alive?
Well if you said yes to any or all of the above then you know exactly how I felt today when I pulled into my local Chevron station: $3.99 per gallon for Supreme Unleaded. I don’t see anything “supreme” about this gas; ain’t it the same crap I have been filling my car with since my hair was two feet past my shoulders, Ford was president, the PC was neither political nor a computer, and John Travolta was just a sweathog and not a jet flying Scientology maniac?
Did they infuse my “new” supreme unleaded with gold dust emitting gold coins out my finely tuned exhaust pipes? Does this “new” supreme mixture have a California approved additive which grows hair in bald spots and removes it from unwanted areas ie back and teeth? WHAT THE $#@& IS GOING ON HERE?
Well according to my politically corrupt, morally bankrupt misguided friends at my local mass media rag, The San Francisco Chronicle, Chevron is having a big quarter. In fact according to the article “Billions more in Chevron profit” “Earnings jump 18%. . . even as crude oil prices slump in 1st quarter.” Wait a minute back up. Crude oil prices per barrel are down YET prices at the pump have skyrocketed? Huh, where’s the math? Is Enron doing the accounting on this one?
According to the Chronicle’s resident “Jimmy Olson”aka David R. Baker (as opposed to S. Baker or Q. Baker?) “. . . Chevron Corp. profits up 18 percent to $4.7 billion (yes astronomy fans that is “b” for billions) in the year’s first quarter. . . ” The real cool numbers “Chevron’s refining and marketing operations in the United States brought in $350 million in the first quarter, 66.7 percent more than during the same period last year.” Gold dust to coins out the back end or unwanted hair removed. . . either way we was, is, and are being robbed blind.
Why why why? Well here are some of the “excuses”, “ruses”, and Confucius kind of stuff coming out of the industry and points beyond:
Judy Dugan, Research Director for the Foundation for Taxpayer and Consumer Rights:
“A company that seems barely able to keep it’s refineries running and saw oil prices dip from last year, took advantage of an uncompetitive market to make up it’s losses with spiking gasoline prices.”
Don Campbell, Chevron spokesman: “. . . profit from refining and marketing in the United States accounted for just 7 percent of the company’s overall profit, despite increases.” Campbell went on to whiningly blather that “The company now spends almost as much money ($300 million) every week on finding and pumping more oil.”
How philanthropic of Chevron Mr.Campbell. What concern and love for your fellow man!
The other reasons were blanket excuses, the kind of stuff small business owners call “the cost of doing business”, perpetuated by Campbell and others in their feeble attempt to stifle our jet engine decibel level shrieks of pain.
So if you feel a bit angry or hurt by the Chevron’s of the world join the crowd. My bicycle is tuned up and ready to go. Now if I can only get rid of that sharp pain in my a**!